Anxiety

I have been suffering this on and off lately just small things but it certainly makes my days long and can even over take the thoughts, and feelings l am having. Its hard esp when it has to do with the kids. I thought being a stay at home parent is the best years of your lives.... but lately l just wish they would hurry up and grow up and be able to take care of themselves to some extent.

The anxiety i have been getting is to do with their health. I have a fear of vomit, l hate it and can't deal with it. Ever since Christmas 2008 when we all had our gastro thats when it started or thats when l first really noticed it. But every time the kids are quiet or whingy l am thinking they are ill and may even be sick. Doesn't help now that miss T is somewhat car sick, but thankfully only on windy and dirt roads (together) doesn't make 4x4 ing much fun tho when l sit there and stress over it when it is not even worth stressing over it.

I am sure there are others out there who suffer from this and will understand what l mean and to how it can be so tiring and draining.

But l have hope. Beinga christian l know nothing is too big for God. Also in a way l think it can be a wake up call with God trying to get my attention and also (satan) dragging me down. I have a great friend/sister from church who has been helping me. She is such a postitve and warm person so full of energy that just talking to her helps (even if it is on FB) as l find one-one communication very hard when l am talking about myself (esp when so deep).

I also struggle with talking about myself as to me if l admit l am struggling then it is like saying l am not in control of myself and my life. I guess that is also why l am not one to cry in public even in front of Mr N. I just don't do it.

But l also know in doing this l am becoming a more sad (not depressed tho l have my moments), angry and agitated person esp witht he kids and other daily experiences such as driving a car. I don' t want to be that type of person. I want to be a person that others look at and think "shes such a happy person who loves life" I want what she has.

Sure l am like that to an extent but l think the other issues are clouding them over.

I got a book today by Joyce Meyer, l love to hear her messages and can relate to her. For those who do not know her she is a christian speaker/preacher (from the USA) and the way she connects to her audience is with humour and her own life stories makes you relate to her. Anyhow she has a book that l have been meaning to read called "Battlefield of the mind".

I know l also need to not spend so much time on/at places where my anxiety can grow such as the internet, FB, EB and other places like shows l should not watch etc... It doesn't help me.

But l am sick of being moody esp to my wonderful family. I used to be a person who loved life and loved God. Sure l still do but things that l need to step away from are over taking that good things. But l know with God all things are possible.

I have my faith to get me thru. I need to use it more and get to know it more.